How it All Began

A Day in the Life of Brayden:  How it all began…

For those of you that know me you know I love kids.  It is almost like an illness. I am magnetically attracted to them and just love them.  I always knew I wanted a big family.  I thought I had it all figured out.  When we found out we were pregnant with our 4th and it was a boy we were thrilled. Although I loved my girls I always dreamed of watching my son play football, ride around in a tractor, and make forts.  When Brayden came he was such a joy. As he grew he was everything that I had imagined a little boy would be.   After all most two years Chad and I talked of having one more child.  Of course we secretly prayed for a boy.  We looked at all the crazy Chinese birth charts and talked about how fun it would be to have two little boys.  Brothers, they would have such a special bond.  I pictured them riding around in a gator with their squirt guns, helping dad fix things with their tools.

When I started to notice Brayden’s regression.  I honestly figured that it was fluid in his ears.  I had looked up autism, but put it to the side.  The pediatrician had told me I was crazy to think something was off.  The Dr.  knows, right?  I was convinced everything would be fine.  In hindsight I think that it was denial, optimism, or maybe ignorance.  But yet a forged ahead.  I found out I was pregnant in August and Brayden had his sedated hearing screen shortly there after.  I remember the ENT coming to the waiting room and telling me his hearing was fine and we needed to explore another avenues.  I remember Diane was Brayden’s nurse.  I know she detected the shock, horror, an brokenness that transformed my face.  She wrapped me in a hug and told me that it was going to be ok. 

All I could think of was Autism.  It had been haunting me in the back of my mind throughout this whole process.  I made an appointment for Brayden to be evaluated.  Then came the diagnosis of Autism.  We knew that full time ABA therapy was recommended.  We contacted the Chad’s insurance and my insurance company and they both stated that they did not cover Autism therapy. It is $ 60,000 a year. What am I going to do? I filled out an insurance appeal form and began to look for different avenues of help.  I contacted birth to 3 to set up an evaluation.  I learned that I could apply for Autism Waiver. If approved he would be placed on a wait list that was 2 plus years.  Two years, he would be 4, maybe 5, early intervention was what was recommended.  I went down to the county and filled out the paper work.  I can still remember the day when I received that call from Chad’s insurance saying that they would cover the therapy.  The tears of happiness flowed down my face.  I remember thinking, this is going to be ok.  We started full time ABA therapy November of that year.

It was an adjustment to have strangers in your house everyday.  I was so used to picking up and running to wal-mart the grocery store or doing what I wanted.  I remember coming home each day or texting my mom wondering if Brayden had learned to talk.  In the mean time we made appointments at the neurologist to make sure he wasn’t having seizures.  We spent the night at the hospital with a million electrode stuck to his head, gi, and a genetics doctor.  They drew blood to test for fragile x and other genetic disorders.  I remember sitting in the genetic doctor office I was about 18 weeks pregnant and the genetic dr told me not to have any more children.  No one knew that I was pregnant except Chad.  When we got to the car, with my mom next to me, through my tears I told her I was pregnant.  She had no words as we rode the remainder of the drive home from Marshfield.  Tears streamed down her face and I could tell she was as scared as I was.

With all of my children I knew the gender prior to their birth.  I wanted Zachary to be a surprise.  I always envied the mom’s that had the patience to wait.  Few things in life were a surprise. Secretly it had nothing to do with that.  I was scared the tech would say, “it’s a boy.” I now knew about autism, I knew that boys were much more likely to have autism than girls.  I began to pray that this sweet baby growing inside of me was a girl.  I was so scared.  When we got to the ultrasound, we had brought the all the children with.  As they scanned my belly the tech asked if I wanted to know the gender.  I said, “no.”  Unfortunately the other 4 people in the room were nodding frantically yes.  I of course lost and the tech said, “it is a boy.”  I started to cry.  The cry quickly turned to a sob.  My belly heaving so that the tech left the room she couldn’t finish the scan until I calmed down.  I am sure she was shocked and perplexed about why a mom was crying not tears of joy but tears of panic and fear.  At that time I didn’t know that I was growing a gift from God, “little “Z”.

Fast forward 3 years.   Zachary, he was the blessing that he knew that God knew I needed.  In some ways it has been reallly hard.  Watching your babies social, cognitive, and vocal abilities surpass that of his older brother.  It was a mixed blessing.  I was so happy that Zachary was on the normal development track but it put a magnifier on how delayed Brayden was.  When we applied for a service dog I had to submit Brayden’s diagnosis evaluation. This was something I hadn’t read for years.  As I read it it made me so sad.  The skills that he exhibited as a 23 month old not only does he not have them now but I can barely remember when….  It was like ripping a band-aid off an old wound.  

Zachary  is such a great “big brother” to Brayden. It saddens me the amount of responsibility placed on a 3 year old.  Often times I am carrying Brayden and Zachary is trotting behind.  “Hang on to my shorts, stay by me.”  It frightens me when Brayden takes off.  I feel like I have to chose between my children.  Since Zachary can understand to “stay there,” he always gets left behind while I run at mock speed after Brayden.  Zachary has learned patience, he almost always has to go second.  He puts up with his treats being taken away, his toys being knocked down, or a blanket or nuk taken away.   Yes I said nuk, judge if you want.  Every night he takes his blanket and his nuk, climbs into his bed and goes to sleep.  Sleep, something that is such a struggle for some at my house.  Potty training….  I have worked for 4 years to potty train Brayden and feel like it is an epic fail.  Poor Zachary.  If his mom wasn’t so lazy and the bathrooms were not so difficult to get into at our house he’d be trained.  By not training him it isn’t that I want him to stay a baby or that I love to change a 3 year olds diapers.  It is just so hard to say, “don’t you want to be a big boy,” when your brother can’t use the bathroom.  Despite it all Zachary is always thinking of Brayden first and keeping tabs on him. He alerts me if Brayden is in trouble or sneaking out of the house.  Zachary has renewed my fascination with human development.  The way that people learn, mimic, and figure things out is fascinating.  It is something that I will never again take for granted.  Is life crazy and busy, yes, is it unpredictable and hilarious, you bet.  But God knew that I needed a little comic relief and the sweetest hug and “I love you”, from a 3 year old little  boy.